your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
