Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
