its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
