I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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