my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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