this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
