I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize