You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
