you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
