Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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