not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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