Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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