I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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