Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
