if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
My cat gives me a boner
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
