wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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