i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
