btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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