Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
