Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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