I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
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I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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