I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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