you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
