Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
