remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
