How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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