All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
