you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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