I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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