onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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