perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
