last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
