I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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