Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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