We won't sleep together?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
