this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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