What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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