I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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