1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
