this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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