if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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