I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
