so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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