so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
