Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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