i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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