my phone needs a breathalizer
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
