A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
