the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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