I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
