these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
