I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize
