Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
