There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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