dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
