do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
