Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
