Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
