whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
