Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
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He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
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I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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