Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
