Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
