She's JV to your varsity
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize
