You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
