My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
