Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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