K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
