According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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