I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
