FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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