you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
