Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Randomize
