OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
there's paper in my vomit.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
