The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
dude. I can hear the air.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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