I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
