You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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