Texts From Last Night

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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before

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  (828): what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before http://tfl.nu/qvbs
  Replies (7) Good night (683) Bad night (3095)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!

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  (303): Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties! http://tfl.nu/mly2
  Replies (12) Good night (844) Bad night (4675)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.

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  (865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it. http://tfl.nu/q5jx
  Replies (38) Good night (863) Bad night (13846)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot

  (502): View more from Kentucky

  Why?

  (314): View more from Missouri

  Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never

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  (314): It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot (502): Why? (314): Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never http://tfl.nu/z3v0
  Replies (102) Good night (4454) Bad night (999)
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.

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  (301): The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me. http://tfl.nu/hdf0
  Replies (56) Good night (661) Bad night (5635)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.

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  (206): Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week. http://tfl.nu/twaw
  Replies (44) Good night (5297) Bad night (1470)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.

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  (904): 5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal. http://tfl.nu/ja8n
  Replies (25) Good night (3003) Bad night (671)
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  (231): View more from Michigan

  A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.

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  (231): A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people. http://tfl.nu/k0xd
  Replies (110) Good night (9434) Bad night (2207)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.

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  (917): I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober. http://tfl.nu/rgt7
  Replies (7) Good night (4509) Bad night (1146)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  some bitch filled my sink with salsa.

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  (724): some bitch filled my sink with salsa. http://tfl.nu/iv44
  Replies (10) Good night (2348) Bad night (1489)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.

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  (801): Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted. http://tfl.nu/qkeh
  Replies (1) Good night (1065) Bad night (378)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.

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  (610): Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka. http://tfl.nu/ea3z
  Replies (8) Good night (1136) Bad night (676)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp

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  (954): I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp http://tfl.nu/qcef
  Replies (2) Good night (519) Bad night (289)
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  (585): View more from New York

  Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride

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  (585): Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride http://tfl.nu/ym4t
  Replies (3) Good night (1081) Bad night (349)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.

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  (804): We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon. http://tfl.nu/tgyh
  Replies (2) Good night (888) Bad night (246)

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