Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
These 23 People Had Sex With Someone From Completely Different Cultures
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
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You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
pray to the hookup gods
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