I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
