Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again