Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.