My nipple is on Facebook.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
