Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?