Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (303): she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out? http://tfl.nu/1nw7
  Replies (69) Good night (10366) Bad night (1297)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (519): While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf. http://tfl.nu/v6r3
  Replies (22) Good night (3416) Bad night (8456)
• Favorite

  (514): View more from Quebec

  What happened to chicks over dicks?

  (1-514): View more from Quebec

  That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (514): What happened to chicks over dicks? (1-514): That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks.. http://tfl.nu/nat7
  Replies (50) Good night (8565) Bad night (1053)
• Favorite

  (507): View more from Minnesota

  I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (507): I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk. http://tfl.nu/xqiq
  Replies (11) Good night (3352) Bad night (793)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (402): 1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow! http://tfl.nu/fjak
  Replies (9) Good night (2811) Bad night (1310)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (647): I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized... http://tfl.nu/nrq1
  Replies (13) Good night (1822) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.

  (224): View more from Illinois

  Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (312): I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks. (224): Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however. http://tfl.nu/lo15
  Replies (8) Good night (2153) Bad night (736)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (978): Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus http://tfl.nu/uqkq
  Replies (4) Good night (2115) Bad night (662)
• Favorite

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (703): yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'? http://tfl.nu/6ned
  Replies (7) Good night (1655) Bad night (521)
• Favorite

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (501): I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low. http://tfl.nu/8ydo
  Replies (6) Good night (925) Bad night (417)
• Favorite

  (416): View more from Toronto

  He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (416): He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead. http://tfl.nu/aau2
  Replies (6) Good night (594) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (719): View more from Colorado

  Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (719): Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up. http://tfl.nu/uyof
  Replies (5) Good night (1507) Bad night (452)
• Favorite

  (613): View more from Ontario

  The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (613): The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me. http://tfl.nu/tj8o
  Replies (2) Good night (976) Bad night (360)
• Favorite

  (224): View more from Illinois

  We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (224): We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious. http://tfl.nu/mvzv
  Replies (4) Good night (1034) Bad night (454)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?

  Press ctrl+c (windows) or cmd+c (mac) to copy the text to your clipboard

  (214): Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape? http://tfl.nu/49bo
  Replies (2) Good night (238) Bad night (70)

Randomize