They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
a bad idea.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?