so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
