two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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