I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
