so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
