it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
