I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
