I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.