and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.