i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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